Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Still Does­n’t Ex­plain Ted Kennedy, Though

Girl #1: Things hap­pen for a rea­son, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It’s prob­a­bly good that I’m not rich. If I were rich, I’d be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I’d still love you, but you’d be a to­tal bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (to­tal val voice) I’m go­ing shop­ping! (nor­mal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that’s why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we’d be ter­ri­ble peo­ple.

–Nathan’s, Coney Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Won­der­ing if I sound like this to oth­er peo­ple

Mom’s Back­up Plan was to Pre­tend to Drown

Girl: Am I go­ing to have big boobs?
Flat-chest­ed mom: Um, prob­a­bly not.
Girl: But boys like big boobs!
Flat-chest­ed mom: On­ly dumb boys do, be­cause on­ly dumb girls have big boobs.
Girl, af­ter think­ing for a minute: Grand­ma has huge ones.
Flat-chest­ed mom: Oooh, look at the pret­ty birds!

–Pana­ma City Beach, Flori­da