Little girl: Daddy, can I kick the birds?
Dad: No.
Little girl: Why not?
Dad: Birds are nice!
–Santa Monica, California
Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
High School Musical? Please
Redhead to blonde: So I think he's gay, for serious, I'm not even kidding.
Blonde: What does your dad think?
Redhead: Oh, my dad says that he's “just playing.”
Blonde: Little boys don't play like that.
–La Jolla, California
Minneapolis Kids Emerge from Hibernation After a Long Wii-inter
Dad to kid: You guys want to rent a canoe?
Kid: Canoe!? That's super hard, even on the Wii, much less in real water!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: caveman
Won't Stop Her from Giving You Shit.
Guy to woman: I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I'm not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I'm going to visit mom less often.
–Manhattan Beach, New York
Mom Hates the Cow Jokes, Y'know
Teen girl: What'cha doing, dad?
Father: Staring at the cow.
Teen girl (looking ahead): Where?
Father: In the water.
Teen girl (frantically looking at the sea): Where?!
Father: In my imagination.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: amused book-reader
No, That's What Your Mother Refuses to Give Me
Guy to daughter: Okay, here's one: Oink, oink!
Daughter: That's a pig!
Guy: Cock-a-doodle-do!
Daughter: That's a…morning chicken.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Here4theLaughs
Before or after They Take Care of Joanie's Really Bad Slut Problem?
Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.
–Charlestown, Rhode Island
Plus, 13 Is an Unlucky Number
Creepster: Her dad says I’m too old to be hitting on a 13-year-old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.
–St. Simon’s Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Dragoman
A Bad Case of Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy
Daughter: Thanks for giving me an aneurysm, Mom.
Mother, under her breath: I wish I’d given you an aneurysm.
Daughter: What?
Mother: Nothing, dear.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cols
When Couples Get Divorced, It Is Truly the Children Who Suffer
Girl: So, when Daddy said that his girlfriend was coming to stay the night it was a bad thing?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Girl: Does this mean I get two Christmases and two birthdays, like Ashlee?
–Parua Bay, New Zealand
Overheard by: naughtygurl