Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I’ll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don’t know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)
–Ocean City, Maryland
Young boy to father: Dad, do you know those girls?
Father: No!
Young boy: Oh, ’cause you keep staring at them…
–Lake McConaughy, Nebraska
Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?
–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey
Man on cell: Yeah, Paul* and I aren’t friends anymore. He used my credit card and owes me $4000. Plus, it probably doesn’t help that I’ve been having sex with his mom… repeatedly.
–Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amused Passenger
Teenage surfer to dad: You’re too old to get high!
–La Jolla, California
Drunk dude to another: Yeah, my dad has really big thighs!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: i dont know
Dad to kid: You guys want to rent a canoe?
Kid: Canoe!? That’s super hard, even on the Wii, much less in real water!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: caveman
Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.
–Treasure Island, Florida
Overheard by: Native Floridian
Dude stopping intense make-out: Um, you’re not gonna tell anyone about this…
Chick: What?!
Dude: Well, I mean, look at you…
Chick: I’m going to tell your mom about this.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mik
Mom (to son #1): That’s not all you’re carrying! Take more. (to son #2) Good job, genius, you got sand in the cooler! (to both sons) Say goodbye to the beach, you’ll never see it again.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mikey
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
