Drunk guy to drunk friend, seeing approaching car: Hey! Watch out for death! –Terrigal, Australia
Drunk wedding guest: Hey, cool! I wonder what bay that is…
Sober guest: Uh, that’s the Atlantic Ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: Are you sure? It looks too calm to be an ocean.
Sober guest: We’re as far East as you can get in New Jersey. That’s the ocean.
Drunken wedding guest: I think it’s some sort of bay.
Sober guest: There’s no land on the other side! It’s the ocean! –Sea Bright, New Jersey Overheard by: I looked at the map
Drunk New Year’s reveller, at 5 AM: Morning has broken, like the first…
Girlfriend: Shut up! –Bondi Beach, Australia Overheard by: GGary
Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis! –Virginia Beach, Virginia Overheard by: Allison
Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I'd totally stick drugs and shit up there! –Lavalette, New Jersey Overheard by: I have one, but I don't
Drunk girl: My goal is to win a wet T-shirt contest so I can win two hundred dollars and get a tattoo… I could never get naked, but I would if I had to. –Ft. Walton Beach, Florida Overheard by: If I didn’t have to work the next day, I’d have invited her to party
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god! Look at that guy's balls!
Drunk girl #2: Where?!
Drunk girl #1: Around his neck!
Drunk girl #2: Wow! They're huge! –Rocky Point, Mexico
Drunk boy: Anemic? Isn't that when you eat too much white bread? –Poolside, Perth, Australia
Dad to buddy’s tween daughter: Susie*, can you get me another beer from the cooler?
Susie: Wow, Jerry, you’re an alcoholic.
Dad’s own tween daughter: My dad is not an alcoholic, he just drinks fast! –Long Island, New York
Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages! –Dunedin, New Zealand