Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

Is He Wear­ing a Patch or a Kip­pah?

Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tu­mor and took it out. They still need to do a biop­sy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in busi­ness on Fri­day, still sell­ing herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We got­ta get back to nor­mal!“
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.

–Coney Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Sun­ny Reis­er

Your Ed­i­tors Beg to Dif­fer

Guy #1: What hap­pened to the girl you were see­ing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me be­cause I had too much bag­gage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with de­pres­sion that was hooked on painkillers and ec­sta­sy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this con­ver­sa­tion.

–Pa­cif­ic Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Mar­i­jua­na: The Uni­ver­sal Lan­guage

Guatemalan teen, pass­ing Amer­i­can teen on the beach: Quieres fu­mar?
Amer­i­can teen: Huh? What?
Guatemalan teen: Quieres fu­mar?
Amer­i­can teen: Bro, I don’t know what you’re say­ing. I don’t speak Mex­i­can or what­ev­er that is.
Guatemalan teen: Want smoke weed?
Amer­i­can teen: Oh. Hell yeah, why did­n’t you say that the first time?

–Monte Ri­co, Guatemala

Over­heard by: Man­go­Joe

Every Drug Needs Evan­ge­lists

Girl run­ning along shore: Smoke weed every day!
Black la­dy on beach blan­ket: Hal­lelu­jah! Come here, ba­by!

Girl runs to black la­dy, who stands and hugs her and kiss­es her.

Black la­dy: Smoke weed, God bless you!

–Sea­side Heights, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: t‑money