Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
Randy Found Her Unresponsive, Cowlike Demeanor Strangely Arousing
Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.
–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Brooke
Time to Invest in a Bathtub?
Dude: This beach trip has been so awesome!
Chick: We’ve been here all week, and you haven’t walked down to the beach once.
Dude: Yeah, but it’s great to just sit around, drink, and get high.
Chick: You do that at home.
Dude: But I can see the water from the window. At home all I see is the parking lot.
–Nags Head, North Carolina
Who Says Romance Is Dead?
Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don’t ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.
–Jersey Shore
Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It
Overheard Editors: Is She One Of Us?
Little girl: Why is the ghost still here?
Dad: She just likes to come back and say hi from the spirit world.
Little girl: But why does she throw books?
Dad: She doesn’t throw books, she just likes to read. And she’s a little drunk.
–Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego, California
I’m Working My Way Up to an Entire Udder
Young mother #1: I am just so pissed that I have to wait until Wednesday to find out if I’m pregnant or not. I really want to go out drinking tonight.
Young mother #2: So? I never let that hold me back.
Young mother #1: Yeah, that’s gotta be why little Eric* has a third nipple.
–Sachuest Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Rebecca
There’s the Worm Poking Its Head Out Now.
Female Hamptons yuppie: Tequila goes straight to my crotch.
–The Hamptons, New York
Overheard by: Mike
Moral Of the Story: Next Time Get Too Wasted to Start Your Car
Blonde girl #1: I got a fucking DUI last night, can you believe that shit?
Blonde girl #2: Well, you *were* pretty drunk last night…
Blonde girl #1: So? Everyone else was, too!
Blonde girl #2: Yeah, but they weren’t driving around everywhere.
–Isla Vista beach, Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: just trying to study
Sometimes the Cure’s Worse Than the Disease, Though
Beach guy #1: We need to find some slutty girls tonight.
Beach guy #2: Yeah, sluts are great for hangovers.
–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jellyfish Jaq
Seventeen is Impressive, Yet Believable. 20 is Just Silly
Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I’m gonna say I’m 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I’m saying 17.
Boy #3: I’m so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Beach Comber
