Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She's not working today.
–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth
Woman in red dress to friend: I ain't get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!
–Coney Island, New York
The Bible Omitted the Serpent's Jet-Ski Pitch
Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!
–Paradise Island, The Bahamas
Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer
But You Had to Get All Pissy about that Whole Rape Thing
Girl #1: Hey, see those guys we went out on the date with that time?
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: Up there with the big-ass cooler and grill. I told you we shoulda gone out on another date with them. We coulda been up there drinkin’ beer and eating hot dog right now.
–Cabbage Beach, Paradise Island, Bahamas
Overheard by: d
That Depends on How Much They're Willing to Spend Marketing the DVD
Hungover girl: Ahh, I feel like shit.
Less hungover girl: Yeah, I can’t believe we did that last night.
Hungover girl: What?…What are you talking about?
Less hungover girl: Cassie…the trampoline?
Hungover girl: Oh my God! Who saw that?!
–Ramsey Beach, Minnesota
She Has No Idea How Awkward Her First Sexual Experience Is Going to Be
Teen girl: I can’t believe I’m drunk! I’m drunk! In Italy! I am 17 and drunk. Oh yeah, and I’m with my parents! The first time I’m drunk, in a foreign country, under 21, with you people, and I’m in Italy?
Teen girl’s mother: It is better this way. At least you are with people who care.
–Nova Siri, Italy
Overheard by: only other american in the place
Even If It Throws Up?
Drunk girl to drunker boyfriend: It's better to throw up than give up!
Hobo: Respect the pussy!
–Atlantic City, New Jersey
Overheard by: AlwaysGoodAdvice
No, There Has to Be at Least an Hour of Hijinks and Double Entendre First!
Foreign girl: Hello. I just bought this bike. I need a special instrument to raise the seat. Can you help me?
Guy #1: We might. Do you need a wrench?
Foreign girl: Oh. I don’t know…[giggles]Guy #2: Where are you from?
Foreign girl: Belarus.
Guy #1: Why did you decide to come to the US?
Foreign girl, excitedly: I came for work and pleasure! I work at Subway!
Guy #2: This is so stereotypical teen movie.
Foreign girl: Does that mean you can fix my bike?
Guy #1: Do you wanna come inside and get drunk with us?
–5 Kings Row, Dewey Beach, Delaware
Who Wants to Tap My, Um, Keg?
Heavy sweaty chick, yelling across store at friends: My sweat smells like beer!
–Surf Shop, Laguna Beach, California
…You Could Almost Ignore the Missing Teeth
Bro to another: Tequila out of her nipples, and…
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Ladle