Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.
–Jersey Shore
Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
Right Where You Belong: My Heart
Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!
Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.
Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??
–Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair
Britney and K-Fed in Five Years
Drunk mother: So, do… When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight… What the fuck is that kid’s name…?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell…? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You’re holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.
–Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia
Priorities, Ashley.
Girl #1: Our table looks lonely.
Girl #2: Why cause we have no friends?
Girl #1: No. Cause we have no drinks!
–Cuba
Overheard by: kiki
The Bible Omitted the Serpent's Jet-Ski Pitch
Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!
–Paradise Island, The Bahamas
Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer
Lucky He Didn't Order a Sex on the Beach
Tourist guy: Can I get a banana daiquiri with dark rum?
Dominican Bartender: Sí.
Tourist guy receives a banana daiquiri in one glass and another full of dark rum.
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Devon
Wow, That Takes All the Glamour Out Of My Alcohol Abuse
Boy: You should have come out last night! It was the best pub crawl ever!
Girl: Yeah? Which pub crawl was it?
Boy's girlfriend, unimpressed: It wasn't a pub crawl. It was just him… going to a lot of pubs… by himself.
–Gold Coast, Australia
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won't buy you a beer he ain't gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don't drink beer, you're gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
Hopefully Only Sorrows Will Be Drowned Today.
Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy's gonna be at the bar.
–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida
Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth
Woman in red dress to friend: I ain't get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!
–Coney Island, New York