Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
There’s the Worm Poking Its Head Out Now.
Female Hamptons yuppie: Tequila goes straight to my crotch.
–The Hamptons, New York
Overheard by: Mike
I Thought Your Girlfriend’s Name Was Claire?
Dude #1: Bro, you want a beer?
Dude #2: Nah, I’m not drinking for Ramadan.
–Auckland, New Zealand
But I Have to Stop at 4 PM because Wapner Comes On
Frat boy: So, you guys are going back to the room? I think I’m gonna stay here a little — have another beer, then go take a shower. Beer and a shower. That’s how I roll.
–Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Overheard by: That’s Not How I Roll
According to Paris Hilton’s Guide to Biology
Wife to another: If you get a frappucino, make sure it’s a white chocolate frappucino, because the dark part of the chocolate is where all the calories live.
–Starbucks, Santa Barbara
Britney and K‑Fed in Five Years
Drunk mother: So, do… When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight… What the fuck is that kid’s name…?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell…? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You’re holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.
–Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia
Time to Invest in a Bathtub?
Dude: This beach trip has been so awesome!
Chick: We’ve been here all week, and you haven’t walked down to the beach once.
Dude: Yeah, but it’s great to just sit around, drink, and get high.
Chick: You do that at home.
Dude: But I can see the water from the window. At home all I see is the parking lot.
–Nags Head, North Carolina
And Often… and Daily… and at All Hours. Wait.…
Dad to buddy’s tween daughter: Susie*, can you get me another beer from the cooler?
Susie: Wow, Jerry, you’re an alcoholic.
Dad’s own tween daughter: My dad is not an alcoholic, he just drinks fast!
–Long Island, New York
Hopefully Only Sorrows Will Be Drowned Today.
Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy’s gonna be at the bar.
–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida
I Serve It at All My Tea Parties
Beefy guy to group of beefy friends: Pomegranate and Red Bull? That’s heaven in a cup!
–South Beach, Miami
