Loud, drunk sorostitute leaving bar to drunk frat boy: When we get back, I’m gonna piss all over your pussy.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
Ad: “Are You Irish Sprung?”
Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.
–Santander, Spain
Overheard by: Murray
Right Where You Belong: My Heart
Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!
Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.
Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??
–Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair
What Happens When You Give Your Number Out Too Often
Random, possibly drunk lady at bar: 1, 2, 3, 4, who do we appreciate?
–Thai Restaurant, Honolulu, Hawaii
Randy Found Her Unresponsive, Cowlike Demeanor Strangely Arousing
Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.
–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Brooke
Which Anniversary Is the Coors Anniversary Again?
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
There’s the Worm Poking Its Head Out Now.
Female Hamptons yuppie: Tequila goes straight to my crotch.
–The Hamptons, New York
Overheard by: Mike
I Thought Your Girlfriend’s Name Was Claire?
Dude #1: Bro, you want a beer?
Dude #2: Nah, I’m not drinking for Ramadan.
–Auckland, New Zealand
But I Have to Stop at 4 PM because Wapner Comes On
Frat boy: So, you guys are going back to the room? I think I’m gonna stay here a little — have another beer, then go take a shower. Beer and a shower. That’s how I roll.
–Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Overheard by: That’s Not How I Roll
According to Paris Hilton’s Guide to Biology
Wife to another: If you get a frappucino, make sure it’s a white chocolate frappucino, because the dark part of the chocolate is where all the calories live.
–Starbucks, Santa Barbara
