Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category

Lucky He Didn’t Order a Sex on the Beach

Tourist guy: Can I get a banana daiquiri with dark rum?
Dominican Bartender: Sí.

Tourist guy receives a banana daiquiri in one glass and another full of dark rum.

–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Overheard by: Devon

…Chug on That.

Drunk chick on raft: Hey, Mike*, would you love Kelly* more if she did a beer funnel?
Mike*, on another raft: We’re married. I don’t have to love her at all.

–Rafting Down Delaware River

Overheard by: twoferrets

Introducing, the Most Cerebral Blonde at Manasquan

Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I’m sorry ma’m, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Beach Bum

The Best Sales Pitch We’ve Heard in a While

Hobo, singing among crowd of people: Jingle bells, jingle bells, help me get drunk!

–Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Just a Midwestern girl who’s new in LA

Is It My Turn to Talk?

Old fisherman: Don’t be tanglin’ your lines up with mine, son!
Younger fisherman: You want a beer?
Old fisherman: I saw a UFO fly right under that bridge one time.
Younger fisherman: You need a haircut.

–Creaky Dock, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

I Already Asked

Mom: You’re drunk!
Daughter: Relax, Mom, it’s not like they’re going to let me drive the boat.

–Cruise ship, Bahamas

Or “Horseshoe Crabs Aren’t Fuckbuddies”

Girl to friend: Swimming without lifeguards is awesome. There’s nobody to say, “hey, no splash fights”, or “you can’t have that fifth of vodka in the water!”

–Madison Beach, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Also Drinking