No, There Has to Be at Least an Hour of Hijinks and Double Entendre First!

Foreign girl: Hello. I just bought this bike. I need a special instrument to raise the seat. Can you help me?
Guy #1: We might. Do you need a wrench?
Foreign girl: Oh. I don’t know…[giggles]Guy #2: Where are you from?
Foreign girl: Belarus.
Guy #1: Why did you decide to come to the US?
Foreign girl, excitedly: I came for work and pleasure! I work at Subway!
Guy #2: This is so stereotypical teen movie.
Foreign girl: Does that mean you can fix my bike?
Guy #1: Do you wanna come inside and get drunk with us?

–5 Kings Row, Dewey Beach, Delaware

Who Wants to Tap My, Um, Keg?

Heavy sweaty chick, yelling across store at friends: My sweat smells like beer!

–Surf Shop, Laguna Beach, California

…You Could Almost Ignore the Missing Teeth

Bro to another: Tequila out of her nipples, and…

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Ladle

These Government Plants Are Getting More and More Believable

Serbian waiter: Card?
Tourist ordering drinks: You're going to card me!? C'mon, I left my card in the State room.
Serbian waiter: Card you? In Prague I work in bar next to high school, no I'm not going to carding! I need your payment card.

–Carnival Cruise, Ensenada, Mexico

Everybody Dance Now!

Busty tan blonde in yellow bikini, surrounded by 8 beautiful gay men drinking champagne and smoking pot: I mean, we should really just take a picture of this, and put it on a postcard: “Welcome to Venice Beach, bitches.”

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: TheLurker

Gonna Be Everybody's Naptime

Hipster teen on cell: No, dude, I'm not sober. I'm totally drunk and I have to babysit in less than an hour!

–Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington

You're Thinking Of Middle School, Debbie

Spring breaker bimbette #1, about ordering drinks: And get Coco Rico, and Sex on the Beach…
Spring breaker bimbette #2, interrupting: Wait, isn't there also something called Sex in the Basement?

–Tamarindo, Costa Rica

Overheard by: one of them spoke decent Spanish, at least

I Can Tell Because It Is Still Full

Cop, pointing to trash can filled rim with beer and alcohol bottles: Are all of these yours?
Tall man, pointing to one lone bottle: Well, that one's not mine.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Anyone Else Feeling a Strange Nostalgia for The Golden Girls?

Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There's no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield

The Readers of Knocked-Up Snatch Say Otherwise

Beach-goer: Belly rings and stretch marks really don’t go together.

–Redondo Beach, California

Overheard by: Everybody’s Ex-Wife

Overheard At The Beach

Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category

No, There Has to Be at Least an Hour of Hijinks and Double Entendre First!

Who Wants to Tap My, Um, Keg?

…You Could Almost Ignore the Missing Teeth

These Government Plants Are Getting More and More Believable

Everybody Dance Now!

Gonna Be Everybody's Naptime

You're Thinking Of Middle School, Debbie

I Can Tell Because It Is Still Full

Anyone Else Feeling a Strange Nostalgia for The Golden Girls?

The Readers of Knocked-Up Snatch Say Otherwise