Dad to buddy’s tween daughter: Susie*, can you get me another beer from the cooler?
Susie: Wow, Jerry, you’re an alcoholic.
Dad’s own tween daughter: My dad is not an alcoholic, he just drinks fast!
–Long Island, New York
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
Hopefully Only Sorrows Will Be Drowned Today.
Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy’s gonna be at the bar.
–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida
I Serve It at All My Tea Parties
Beefy guy to group of beefy friends: Pomegranate and Red Bull? That’s heaven in a cup!
–South Beach, Miami
Overheard Editors: Is She One Of Us?
Little girl: Why is the ghost still here?
Dad: She just likes to come back and say hi from the spirit world.
Little girl: But why does she throw books?
Dad: She doesn’t throw books, she just likes to read. And she’s a little drunk.
–Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego, California
I Keep All Mine in My Pants
Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I’ve been drinking all day, but you’re the one that doesn’t got their shit together!
–Huntington Beach, California
This Time Jesus Turns the Beer into Fanta Grape
Cop: All right, what’s in the cup?
Young guy: Uh, beer.
Cop: I asked you what’s in the cup. Now give it to me.
Young guy: I just told you, it’s beer!
Cop: You do know it’s illegal to be drinking on the boardwalk, right?
Young guy: It’s soda.
Cop: It’s beer. Give it to me.
Young guy: No! It’s mine!
Young guy runs off with cup.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: also kinda drunk
Yeah, Along With Some Weird Pink Money with Birds and Queens on it
Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?
–Sandestin, Florida
Overheard by: proudcanadian
The Last Guy Who Had Her Was a Bit Rough
Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She’s not working today.
–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth
Woman in red dress to friend: I ain’t get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!
–Coney Island, New York
The Bible Omitted the Serpent’s Jet-Ski Pitch
Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!
–Paradise Island, The Bahamas
Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer
