Archive for the ‘Diet and Weight’ Category

Shel­by Went Kayak­ing With the Prince of Dark­ness and Had a Com­par­a­tive­ly Love­ly Time

Moth­er, loud­ly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daugh­ter: What! What’s on me?!
Moth­er: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on va­ca­tion here. You should­n’t be stress-eat­ing!
Teen daugh­ter: Mom! Shut up! Peo­ple can hear you.
Moth­er: No, no one is lis­ten­ing, and be­sides, they can all see it, too.
Kayak­ing in­struc­tor: Does every­one have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are go­ing to pair up with some­one you don’t know.
Daugh­ter: Thank God!
Moth­er: What?

–Bayville, New Jer­sey

From The Big Book of Clum­sy Pick-Up Lines

Girl #1, ap­proach­ing girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-es­teem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ug­ly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love your­self!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opin­ion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cig­a­rette?

–Topan­ga State Beach, Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks