Archive for the ‘Diet and Weight’ Category

Your Ed­i­tors Beg to Dif­fer

Guy #1: What hap­pened to the girl you were see­ing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me be­cause I had too much bag­gage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with de­pres­sion that was hooked on painkillers and ec­sta­sy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this con­ver­sa­tion.

–Pa­cif­ic Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

He Would­n’t Even Eat Me

20-some­thing girl #1: So are you gonna go out with him again?
20-some­thing girl #2: No. He’s a veg­e­tar­i­an.
20-some­thing girl #1: Well, you can change that.
20-some­thing girl #2: No, he does it for like, moral rea­sons.
20-some­thing girl #1: Oh. Ugh, no. For­get that, then.

–Long Beach, Long Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Tara

Shel­by Went Kayak­ing With the Prince of Dark­ness and Had a Com­par­a­tive­ly Love­ly Time

Moth­er, loud­ly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daugh­ter: What! What’s on me?!
Moth­er: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on va­ca­tion here. You should­n’t be stress-eat­ing!
Teen daugh­ter: Mom! Shut up! Peo­ple can hear you.
Moth­er: No, no one is lis­ten­ing, and be­sides, they can all see it, too.
Kayak­ing in­struc­tor: Does every­one have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are go­ing to pair up with some­one you don’t know.
Daugh­ter: Thank God!
Moth­er: What?

–Bayville, New Jer­sey