Tie Goes to the Hungriest

Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!

–Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan

Overheard by: sandra g

Something Is Making Me Uncomfortable

Boston woman in her late 50s: … And it’s not like it used to be. Jamaica Plain has become so culturally diverse… It’s so unfortunate!
Sunburned woman in her late 50s: Um. Where is that sunscreen?

–Surfside Beach, Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: KP

That’s As Much As I’m Cleared to Tell You At This Juncture

Tourist: Hey, the water is coming up really high.
Local: Yeah, it’s definitely a high tide today.
Tourist: How come it does that? I mean, what makes the water come up so high?
Local: Well, let’s just say it has a lot to do with the moon.

–Pismo-Oceano Dunes, California

Overheard by: janie

What, You’ve Never Done Dumbell Curls?

10-year-old girl: My virgin arms! My virgin arms!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Confused

You Mean ‘Danger’ in Your Vagina… And How Did You Know I Called It That?

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Want Some Pot?

Camp counselor: Hurry up, or you’ll be left behind!
Kid: Then I’d get to stay here. Awesome!
Camp counselor: Frankly, it’s my last day, so I really don’t care.

–Third Beach, Newport, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Bored Beyond the Beach

Time to Invest in a Bathtub?

Dude: This beach trip has been so awesome!
Chick: We’ve been here all week, and you haven’t walked down to the beach once.
Dude: Yeah, but it’s great to just sit around, drink, and get high.
Chick: You do that at home.
Dude: But I can see the water from the window. At home all I see is the parking lot.

–Nags Head, North Carolina

What’d We Tell You About Crying That, Peter?

Man, hearing seagulls: Wolves!

–Upper Hutt, New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

She Got Some Dead Girl’s Old Breast Implants

Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.

–South Padre Island, Texas

‘Except for Comedians’? Ahahaha! Genius!

Bostonian #1: I was thinking I should try out for Saturday Night Live or somethin’.
Bostonian #2: Yeah, you should, Vin. You are funny!
Bostonian #1: Yeah, I know! I mean, who’s funnier than me? Except for, you know, comedians.

–South Beach, Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: luna