Texan: Yo! Dude, the waves are so huge! I just broke my longboard in two an’ almost got killed… that was awesome!
–Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic
Archive for the ‘Death’ Category
For the Last Time, That’s Not What Lady Fingers Are
Girl to brother: What are you eating?
Brother: Human remains.
–Tampa, Florida
You Promised You’d Take Me to Harlem
Mother, holding one son in the ocean and calling another on shore: See? The water’s fantastic. You have nothing to worry about.
Four-year-old son, crying: I don’t want to die here!
–Palm Beach, Aruba
That Reminds Me, When is Mom Up for Parole?
Chick: I can’t stand it when people smoke at the beach. It’s such a wrong thing to do in a place like this.
Dude: Smoking at the beach is like killing someone at a birthday party.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Peter
I Prefer, “Once More Onto the Beach, Dear Friends!”
Woman: If you get pulled out by a rip tide you shouldn’t even bother to fight it, right? Because you’re already dead.
Man: She’s giving herself a pep talk.
–Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: beach comber
He Said He wasn’t, but It’s Hard to Argue with the Coroner
Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner’s bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.
–Manhattan Beach, California
But the Hermaphrodites I’ll Leave Alone
Girl to younger boy: You’re going to be a real lady killer when you’re older.
Younger boy: I’ll kill men, too. I don’t care.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Brittney
A Place and a Mental Defect
Woman #1: Is that a dead seal in the water?
Woman #2: Are you Canadian or just stupid?
Woman #1: I’m Canadian.
–Key West, Florida
Overheard by: uarerude
Or We’ll Kill You
Girl (pointing to sign on lifeguard tower): Hah! I thought that said “Dying is dangerous and prohibited” for a sec.
Guy: You’re crazy. It says “diving!“
Girl: (pause) I know. But.. oh, whatever.
Lifeguard: Yes–we have a very strict policy… No dying!
–Corona Del Mar Beach, California
Overheard by: Dee
That Was Unexpected
Mother, to little boy refusing to wear swimmies: Fine, I guess you can go drown. Say bye bye to mommy. [Little boy breaks into hysterics.]
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Leigh
