Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

But I Re­sist­ed the Urge to Put My Nose on Him

Dirty old man to vis­i­bly ter­ri­fied 20-some­thing girl next to him: You know, as of to­day I am no longer on pro­ba­tion. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wear­ing pants cause I had to go to court to­day. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on pro­ba­tion any­more! (hangs up with­out say­ing good­bye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that build­ing’s the one my bud­dy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Pe­ter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Want­ed me to go to [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble] with her. Nev­er been there to this day. Been to South Amer­i­ca, Africa, all over! Nev­er done go to [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble]. Al­right, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer ter­ri­fied 20-some­thing girl to ran­dom girl: He smelled like co­caine!

–Ex­press Bus, Waiki­ki, Hawaii

Over­heard by: mel

Not My Fault She Was Al­ways in the Bed at the Time

Dude #1: Ah, see that girl?
Dude #2: Yeah.
Dude #1: She is whack.
Dude #2: Did­n’t you date her for like a year?
Dude #1: Yeah, but she was­n’t whack back then.
Dude #2: So it’s safe to say that you made her whack?
Dude #1: It was the crack that made her whack, I just cheat­ed on her a lot.

–Ocean City, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Mykl