Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Your Editors Beg to Differ

Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.

–Pacific Beach, California

He Wouldn’t Even Eat Me

20-something girl #1: So are you gonna go out with him again?
20-something girl #2: No. He’s a vegetarian.
20-something girl #1: Well, you can change that.
20-something girl #2: No, he does it for like, moral reasons.
20-something girl #1: Oh. Ugh, no. Forget that, then.

–Long Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Tara

Randy Found Her Unresponsive, Cowlike Demeanor Strangely Arousing

Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.

–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Brooke

I Guess Snowballing Is Technically Kissing

Little girl: Do you have a boyfriend?
Older girl: Not right now.
Little girl: Do you kiss guys on the lips?
Older girl: Well…
Little girl: Do you kiss your dad on the lips?
Older girl: Not that I can remember, no.
Little girl: You don’t kiss your dad on the lips? I kissed mine on the lips this morning!

–Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: MBD

They Seem So Happy…Oh, Wait…

Teen girl #1: Oh, I’m so happy for Candice!* She finally has a normal boyfriend!
Teen girl #2: Oh, that’s nice…Wait, is it that 29-year-old E dealer you guys met at that rave in Chilliwack?
Teen girl #1: Yes!

Long pause.

Teen girl #1: Well, it’s normal for her, I guess.

–English Bay, Vancouver, British Columbia