Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Your Ed­i­tors Beg to Dif­fer

Guy #1: What hap­pened to the girl you were see­ing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me be­cause I had too much bag­gage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with de­pres­sion that was hooked on painkillers and ec­sta­sy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this con­ver­sa­tion.

–Pa­cif­ic Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

He Would­n’t Even Eat Me

20-some­thing girl #1: So are you gonna go out with him again?
20-some­thing girl #2: No. He’s a veg­e­tar­i­an.
20-some­thing girl #1: Well, you can change that.
20-some­thing girl #2: No, he does it for like, moral rea­sons.
20-some­thing girl #1: Oh. Ugh, no. For­get that, then.

–Long Beach, Long Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Tara

Randy Found Her Un­re­spon­sive, Cow­like De­meanor Strange­ly Arous­ing

Fat dude on awk­ward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I did­n’t put ‘Let’s meet at Star­bucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hm­mm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a prob­lem with al­co­hol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a prob­lem with it.
Fat dude, af­ter long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what oth­er hob­bies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.

–Gold­en Gar­dens Park, Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Brooke

I Guess Snow­balling Is Tech­ni­cal­ly Kiss­ing

Lit­tle girl: Do you have a boyfriend?
Old­er girl: Not right now.
Lit­tle girl: Do you kiss guys on the lips?
Old­er girl: Well…
Lit­tle girl: Do you kiss your dad on the lips?
Old­er girl: Not that I can re­mem­ber, no.
Lit­tle girl: You don’t kiss your dad on the lips? I kissed mine on the lips this morn­ing!

–Palm City, Flori­da

Over­heard by: MBD

They Seem So Happy…Oh, Wait…

Teen girl #1: Oh, I’m so hap­py for Can­dice!* She fi­nal­ly has a nor­mal boyfriend!
Teen girl #2: Oh, that’s nice…Wait, is it that 29-year-old E deal­er you guys met at that rave in Chill­i­wack?
Teen girl #1: Yes!

Long pause.

Teen girl #1: Well, it’s nor­mal for her, I guess.

–Eng­lish Bay, Van­cou­ver, British Co­lum­bia

I’m Look­ing to Up­grade

Woman walk­er #1: I would nev­er go out with him–his head is huge, his clothes are al­ways wrin­kled, and he does­n’t show­er.
Woman walk­er #2: Ugh.
Woman walk­er #1: Be­sides, he smokes.
Woman walk­er #2: But you smoke, too!
Woman walk­er #1: I know, but I nev­er date smok­ers.

–Lake Mi­ra­mar, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: El Meech