Out-of-shape 50-something customer: I don’t know, the guys I see riding fixed-gear bikes are in really good shape.
20-something bike salesman: That shouldn’t intimidate you; it should inspire you.
–Sag Harbor, New York
Overheard by: the lerpa
Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She’s not working today.
–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.
–Pensacola Beach, Florida
Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I’m cold.
–Waikiki, Hawaii
16-year-old clerk to man buying tampons: Those for you? (snickers)
Tampon-buying man: No, I have a wife. Don’t worry, one day when you are all grown up, you will need these too.
–Grocery Store, Virginia Beach, Virginia
Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.
–South Padre Island, Texas
Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um… American?
–The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Hollywood
Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good… I was just checking.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: OC Rocket
B&B owner to guests: Do you two have children?
Female guest: Oh no, not yet. That’s why we are here!
B&B owner (blushing) walking away: Oh! Well, I’m glad we could help!
Guest (softly, mortified): I meant we have more time without kids!
–Bed & Breakfast, Galveston Island, Texas
Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I’m sorry ma’m, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?
–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Beach Bum
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
