Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too
Wife: Do you want any sauce?
Husband: No, just ketchup for my fries.
Wife: Ketchup *is* a sauce!
Husband: No, tartar sauce is a sauce. Ketchup is just ketchup.
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: ISPgypsy
Woman: Is that where George Bush lives?
Man: No, you can’t see it from here.
Woman: I bet you could see it with binoculars or something.
Man: Doubt it.
Woman: Why do you always shut me down when I have an opinion? I’m entitled to it! How do you know you couldn’t see George Bush’s house from here?
Man: There’s an island in the way.
–Kennebunk Beach, Maine
Wifey turning from looking at ocean: This is so nice. What elevation are we at?
Hubby: … Seriously?
Wifey: Yes.
Hubby: Um… Sea level, honey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.
–Ka’anapali Beach, Maui, Hawaii
Overheard by: D-Rock
Chick: Nothing is getting in my ass!
Dude: Not even a pinky?
Chick: Not even a pinky!
–Huntington Beach, California
Girl to boyfriend: My vagina is all wet, and not in the good way.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Thommy
Husband: Let’s take a surfing lesson.
Wife: The water’s too cold.
Husband: We can rent a wet suit.
Wife: That would be like wearing someone else’s condom.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: macdog
Old lady, walking with husband: I don't really understand the problem. I mean, I throw more parties than the college kids!
–Pennfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Meg
Middle-aged man: Hi, girls. I was wondering if I could borrow one of your magazines. My wife is really bored and forgot her book. I’ll give you a drink in return.
Group of 20-ish girls: No problem. Here’s a People mag.
Middle-aged man: Thanks. See ya.
Middle-aged woman walks over laughing and whispers: Girls, my husband is so shy — I can’t believe he actually did that! And do you know what I have to do in return? [Girls stare.] I have to give him a blowjob tonight!
–Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Meghan
Girl: Oh my god, the water is so cold! I think my vagina is numb.
Guy: I hate when that happens.
–Grand Haven, Michigan
Overheard by: Lisa