Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

See, It’s Sa­cred, and that’s Why the Gays Don’t De­serve It

Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Hon­ey, do you want a drink?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, read­ing: Sure.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Do you want a sand­wich?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, ex­as­per­at­ed: Will you give me a mas­sage?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
At­trac­tive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a mas­sage, hot­tie.
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, look­ing up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, whis­per­ing to blonde: So… Can I meet you lat­er, then?

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: ea­ger ears

An Over­abun­dance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing

Long Is­land wife: Shawn! Shawn, you id­iot, your son wants to come swim­ming with you!
Long Is­land hus­band: Did you just call me an id­iot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so up­set she starts packing.]Long Is­land hus­band: What are you do­ing? You said you want­ed to go to the beach to­day!
Long Is­land wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fuck­ing sucks!

–West Palm Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: sat near them on the plane go­ing home two days lat­er, too

But I Feel a Lot High­er Than That

Wifey turn­ing from look­ing at ocean: This is so nice. What el­e­va­tion are we at?
Hub­by: … Se­ri­ous­ly?
Wifey: Yes.
Hub­by: Um… Sea lev­el, hon­ey.
Wifey: Oh. Yeah.

–Ka’ana­pali Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Over­heard by: D‑Rock

When Ex­per­i­ment­ing, It’s Im­por­tant to On­ly Change One Vari­able at a Time

Girl­friend: Hey, do you know I heard down in Brazil they, like, mix sand in with their sun­tan lo­tion so that it ex­fo­li­ates their skin?
Boyfriend: That’s fuck­ing stu­pid.
Girl­friend: Tell me about it! I tried it last year and got a nasty rash. So this year I’m us­ing sand and ba­by oil.

–Waiki­ki Beach, Hawaii

Over­heard by: Neeri