Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There’s no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.
–Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield
Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category
And You’re Pretty Smart, Not Like a Blonde
Guy to couple: Hi!
Blonde wife: See, they’re nice here, not like in California.
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: cherry picker
At the “That’s What She Said” Quarterfinals
Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You’re sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I’ll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!
–St. Paul, Minnesota
Who Says Romance Is Dead?
Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don’t ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.
–Jersey Shore
Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It
…And I’d Like to Do It with Dignity.
Fat blubbery man to wife: C’mon already! Let’s go in the water – I gotta take a piss!
–Caribbean
Overheard by: Grossed Out
Fertility Treatment, Economy Version
Husband: Let’s take a surfing lesson.
Wife: The water’s too cold.
Husband: We can rent a wet suit.
Wife: That would be like wearing someone else’s condom.
–Cannon Beach, Oregon
Overheard by: macdog
We’ll Never Understand the Russian Zodiac
Old man to wife, in Russian: What sign are you?
Woman: I’m a fish.
Old man: Shark, son of a bitch.
–Hallandale Beach Boulevard, Florida
Overheard by: superemanuella
There’s a Fucking Version? My Life Is Complete!
Boyfriend to girlfriend: So, what do you want to do? You wanna go shopping or something?
Extremely feminine, sweet-looking girl: I just wanna go home and watch some fucking Dragonball Z.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
…And Pass the Vodka
Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!
–Jamaica
Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto
Wait for It…
Woman to husband, watching the sunset: Why doesn’t the sun ever set in front of the clouds?
–Pacific Grove, California
Overheard by: never enough sunscreen
