Teen girl #1: The sand is so hot!
Teen girl #2: That’s why God put the sand near the water.
Teen girl #1: God was a genius!
–Fair Haven Beach, New York
Overheard by: Jane
Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category
…Unlike Your Soul.
Nagging mother to adult daughter, after sniping at her all afternoon: Your best attribute used to be your personality. But with the life you lead, now it's dead.
Adult daughter's husband, without looking up from newspaper: It's not dead, it's just asleep.
–Maguire's Landing, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: oysterwoman
No, Dumbass, the Animated TV Movie
Girlfriend: It’s so beautiful here in Cape Cod. Wasn’t David Copperfield set in Cape Cod?
Boyfriend: Wait? You mean like the magician?
–Ferry to Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: JFN
It's Good That You Both Are Planning Ahead For Your Futures as Vagrants
Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: American Goods
Right Where You Belong: My Heart
Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!
Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.
Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??
–Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair
At Last, Texas Has Found Its Purpose in the US
Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.
–Laguna Beach, California
I Always Knew the Norse Had Their Fingers on the Pulse
Guy staring at topless girl speaks rapidly in Norwegian, then: Topless! Yay!
–Fraser Island, Queensland, Australia
Another Round of 'Two Truths and a Lie'
Jersey girl: I never understood the Jersey Shore — the water is dirty and the streets are trashy.
Dude: Just like the girls here, dirty and trashy.
Jersey girl: Yeah, but at least we have good hair.
–Ocean Grove, New Jersey
And She's Always Blabbing to My Wife
Cute surfer: So, how’s it going? Did you go out with her again?
Really cute surfer: Oh, no, she’s traveling, but I’m waiting for her to come back.
Cute surfer: You’re really into her, right? I thinks she’s hot.
Really cute surfer: Yeah, she’s amazing.
Cute surfer: Have you, like, talked to her about going out again?
Really cute surfer: Yeah, kinda… [Looking away and waving] Hey, dude, stop talking about it. My girlfriend is coming.
Cute surfer: Oh, okay [smiles and waves to girl].
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: And I thought he was cute
When Daddy Did That to Mommy He Was Half-Kidding, Honey
Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?
–Goleta Beach, California