Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!
–Jamaica
Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto
Archive for the ‘Caribbean’ Category
… And Because You Knocked Up Our Mom in the First Place
Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six-year-old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn’t leave us alone.
–Bridgetown, Barbados
But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly
Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
They Slice, They Dice, They Make Julienne Cousin!
Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother-in-law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!
–Montego Bay, Jamaica
Overheard by: Elle
Helen Keller Didn’t Know How to Make Herself Any Clearer
Girl #1: Because I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Oh, really? I didn’t know.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Ohhhh.
–Cavehill, Barbados
Loretta Also Commented on the Number of Jews in Jerusalem
(on board a ferry full of black people)
Elderly southern woman: Seems to me there are a lot of blacks here.
Half deaf elderly husband: What?
Elderly southern woman: Blacks!
–Ferry, Bermuda
Superhero Steely Dan Had a Modest Jamaican Boyhood
Boy: Mom! I want a wooden penis!
Mom: You have one already.
Boy: Then I want a metal penis!
Dad: Actually, that might come in handy.
–Dolphin Cove, Jamaica
Overheard by: bea arthur
I’m Your Wife, Bob.
Magician to middle-aged woman: Put your pointer fingers out, and point them about five inches apart. (woman does, but it looks more like three inches) I don’t know what guy told you that was 5 inches…
–Carnival Valor, Caribbean Sea
I Already Asked
Mom: You’re drunk!
Daughter: Relax, Mom, it’s not like they’re going to let me drive the boat.
–Cruise ship, Bahamas
Oh, Like You’ve Never Been Caught Playing with Your Wand?
Magician to seven-year-old boy: Get your hands out of your pockets! God sees everything!
–Carnival Valor, Caribbean Sea
