Archive for the ‘Canadia’ Category

If I Do You, Will You Be Nice to Me?

Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes.

Queer points at everyone.

Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn’t count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you’re still a whore.

–Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: shutterbug

Yeah, Congratulations on Having Unprotected Prison Sex

Girl #1: Hey! I’m suprised you’re even alive after last night!
Girl #2: Barely…and if Sharon realizes that there is a two-hour period where she doesn’t know where Aaron and I were, Rikki’s gonna be really mad… She’s already mad and she has no idea what happened.
Girl #1: What? Why, what the hell happened when I went to bed?
Girl #2: Well, Sharon thinks Aaron and I were just cuddling since it was such a small bed we were sharing and that I just felt bad that he had to sleep on the floor, but Rikki is really convinced we hooked up.
Girl #1: Well, did you?
Girl #2: Obviously, but we were in Dan’s room instead, so she doesn’t even know what she’s talking about… Wait, you’re not mad I hooked up with him, are you?
Girl #1: God, no! I’m proud that you managed to do it in a cottage that small and no one knew! I was against your wall and I had no idea! High five!

–Wasaga Beach, Canadia

Overheard by: I’m Proud Too

Unless I Also Got Free Snacks

Short sister: If I were to be in a porno with anyone, I would choose to be in it with you.
Tall sister: I’m not risking my dignity to be in a porno with my sister. No matter how much you’re paying me.

–Lake Kalamalka, Vernon, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: Sounds like a good time to me.

I Can’t Wait to Hear Where this is Going

Teen girl #1 is making a crease in her towel and filling it with sand.

Teen girl #2: What the fuck are you doing?
Teen girl #1: Look! It’s ‘de Nile’!
Teen girl #2: What? You mean the Nile River? How could that be the Nile River? There’s no water involved!
Teen girl #1, after long pause: Well… Has anyone ever told you that you look like Danny DeVito?

–Jericho Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: bondgirl

After His Sex Change, Homer Simpson Moved to Vancouver

40-something woman: You’re from Turkey? What language do they speak there?
Turkish guy: Uh… Turkish.
40-something woman: There’s a language called Turkish? Really? Do a lot of people speak it?
Turkish guy: Well, yeah, more than a thousand years ago in central Asia…
40-something woman, interrupting: Chinese people speak Turkish? I didn’t know that!

–Vancouver, Canadia