Girl to surfer boy: If your dick is big as this ice cream I'll throw the ice cream in the trash and lick your dick!
–Santa Monica, California
Archive for the ‘California’ Category
So That's Why Garfield Is Always So Hungry
Hippie, to the cat he is walking on a leash: Did you eat my pot?
–Ocean Beach, San Diego
When Daddy Did That to Mommy He Was Half-Kidding, Honey
Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?
–Goleta Beach, California
Are You Hitting on Me, Dennis?
Coworker #1: This is a weird song.
Coworker #2, listening to hip hop: You're a weird song.
Coworker #1: He sounds like a child molester.
Coworker #2: You sound like a child molester.
–Long Beach, California
"Book Smart," I Should've Said
Woman to another, trying to get support to protect the seals: Yeah, my daughter's friend wants to be a marine biologist. She is so smart.
Daughter's friend, in confused voice: Hey, I got gum on my camera.
–Children's Beach, La Jolla, California
You Need a Boyfriend, Lucille
Girl #1: You know what would feel really good?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If you jizzed on my back.
–Oceanside Beach, California
She Claims Her Body Needs These 'Calories' to Survive
Ditz #1: She was drinking a soda, and it wasn’t even diet.
Ditz #2: You’re fucking kidding me. It wasn’t diet?
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: awesome teyie
Think of Me As the Consumer Reports of Sex
Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!
–Discovery Bay, California
Teaching Your Kids to Levitate Via Negative Feedback
Parent: Joshua, no! Don’t touch the sand! No! No! No! Put it down! Joshua! Don’t touch the sand!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: gunky
In His Prison Locker
Niece: I can’t find my underwear!
Uncle: Maybe it’s with my wedding ring.
–Rio Del Mar Beach, California