Tattooed dad to two-year-old daughter struggling to get on tricycle: Remember, sweetie, always get on from the left so you don’t burn yourself on the exhaust pipe.
–Playground, Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
Archive for the ‘California’ Category
…in California
Trashy looking blonde, as two girls walk into a party: Ew, why are there smart people here?
–Manhattan Beach, California
Overheard by: smart people
Maybe Because the Fiancé Already Had Her Fist in It
20-Something chick #1: So Brad and I went up to the mountains with his friend Greg and Greg’s fiancé. Brad and Greg went out to unpack the car, and she and I just started going at it.
30-Something chick #2: You guys were making out?
30-Something chick #1: It was way intense.
30-Something chick #2: Wow.
30-Something chick #1: Then Brad and Greg came back in the house, and Greg started, like, totally freaking out. I mean, he just wasn’t, like…feeling my openness!
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: gefiltepez
He Said He wasn’t, but It’s Hard to Argue with the Coroner
Woman #1: I once saw my neighbor being taken out of his house in a coroner’s bag.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because he was dead.
–Manhattan Beach, California
How Business Gets Done
Gent #1: I’m having troubles casting for this part.
Gent #2: I know the perfect girl, but she’s young. Only 17.
Gent #1: Hmmm… That’s too young.
Gent #2: Yeah, but you could fuck her mom.
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: Wanker
You Can’t Take Clint Eastwood Anywhere.
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin’ staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He’s giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.
–Ocean Beach, California
How the Hell Would I Know That?
Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Lilian
…And a Much Better Pickpocket.
Tall skinny blonde with small Yorkie in her lap: I think she’s become a better person since I’ve been friends with her.
–LaJolla, California
I’ve Gone to DefCon 5
Chick: Nothing is getting in my ass!
Dude: Not even a pinky?
Chick: Not even a pinky!
–Huntington Beach, California
We Don’t Do that in Public, Either
Girl #1: Hey, I really want to get rid of my short-tan, but I need to change into my bathing suit bottoms.
Girl #2: Go ahead. No one will notice.
Girl #1 takes off her shorts and is about to take off her thong.
Girl #2: Jenny, I was just kidding! Put your shorts back on!
Girl #1: Oh, shit!
–Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: sun-lover
