Archive for the ‘Break-ups’ Category

Grown-ups Use My­Space

14-year-old skater dude rolling up to two friends hug­ging: I thought you two broke up… over the phone… like lit­tle bitch­es.

–Her­mosa Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: theri­go

Your Ed­i­tors Beg to Dif­fer

Guy #1: What hap­pened to the girl you were see­ing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me be­cause I had too much bag­gage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with de­pres­sion that was hooked on painkillers and ec­sta­sy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this con­ver­sa­tion.

–Pa­cif­ic Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Oh, Brit­ney Spears, You Wacky Scamp

Un­der­age girl #1: Yeah, but I’m not go­ing to feel okay us­ing my ID if every­one here is from Ohio. They’re go­ing to know it’s fake.
Un­der­age girl #2: Shhh… There’s peo­ple in here.
Un­der­age girl #1: I don’t care.
Girl in stall, com­ing out to wash hands: I know what you guys mean about the Ohio thing. Mini­vans… I just moved here from New York.
Un­der­age girl #1: Oh?
Girl from stall: I hate it here. I just had a ba­by. He’s three months old, with­out a fa­ther…
Un­der­age girl #2: Oh my god. I’m so sor­ry…
Girl from stall: Then my dad left us. He left our fam­i­ly af­ter 25 years. He left us all be­hind.
Un­der­age girl #1: Oh, uh…
Girl from stall: It’s al­right. Have a nice night.

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Awk­ward…

No Wet Bar. Can You Be­lieve It?

Blonde: … So as soon as we got home from spring break I told my boyfriend that I had sex with Brad on the beach.
Friend: Oh my gosh! What did your boyfriend do?!
Blonde: He said, ‘I guess we’re not rid­ing in Brad’s limo for prom.‘
Friend: What’s wrong with Brad’s limo?!

–St. Au­gus­tine beach, Flori­da

Trans­la­tion: They Have the Best Coke

Dude #1: So, what­ev­er hap­pened to that strip­per you were dat­ing?
Dude #2: It’s over. I think it’s a bad idea to date strip­pers. You re­al­ize there’s a good rea­son they’re strip­pers, then it fucks it up every time you go back. It’s like, you look at these hot­ties and imag­ine all the pos­si­bil­i­ties, but now, af­ter dat­ing enough strip­pers, you re­al­ize the pos­si­bil­i­ties in­clude con­sol­ing her drunk ass as she cries about be­ing abused as a child while she lines up an­oth­er rail of coke, then tells you her se­cret fan­ta­sy is to see you get nailed in the ass by an­oth­er dude!
Dude #1: I still want to date one.
Dude #2: … Yeah, they’re fun.

–La­Haina’s, Mis­sion Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: sean