Bikini #1: Duuude, your birthmark has gotten bigger…
Bikini #2: That’s because my thigh has gotten bigger.
–The Hamptons, New York
Archive for the ‘Body parts’ Category
What the Tooth Fairy Is Called, in Pragmatic Households
Worried teen: Oh no! The janitor lady cleaned up my tooth!
–Howard Park Beach, Tarpon Springs, Florida
Overheard by: CorLiz
I Told You to Wear Sunblock
15-year-old standing on his friend: Woah, I can totally feel your spinal cord!
–Santa Cruz, California
You Get to Be the Girl Tonight
Random guy in middle of large group of male friends: Ah, man! And my nipples just got like so hard right now.
Friend: Dude, man! They totally did! (chorus of laughter as they walk away)
–Fort Walton Beach, Florida
I'm Not Sure I Wish to Pursue This Line of Inquiry Until Your Father Arrives
Little kid: Mommy, what are those squishy things that hang by big, round balls?
Mom: Are you talking about jellyfish and tentacles?
Little kid: Yeah, that’s it: testicles.
–Huntington Beach, Surf City, California
It's All Gone Downhill Since the Tooth Fairy Started Subcontracting
Lifeguard: What happened to your toenail?
Little boy: A monster carried it off a while ago. Around kindergarten, I think.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Super Sexy Woman
If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Matilda
What If No One's Around to Hear It?
Boy, obviously on drugs: My mum says that your brain is like a forest, and every time you take drugs you are cutting down a tree.
–Splendour Music Festival, Byron Bay, Australia
And the Tour Guide Was Like, "This Is Your Congressman."
Biker's lady to biker: He had this plastic bag of poison ivy and was rubbing it on his face…
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
What You Get for Eating Cafeteria Food
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire