Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it. –Ocean Beach, California
Archive for the ‘Body parts’ Category
But Mummy, I'm Too Old to Nurse in Public!
British mother to young child: Either put it in your mouth or I'm giving it to charity! –Miami Beach, Florida
I'm Getting a Resurrection
Girl, drinking spiked hot chocolate: Oh my god, it's like Jesus died in my mouth! –Arcata, California
Tonight, on Little People, Big Whores…
Hobo in wheelchair to boys skating: Bend over!
Boy: If you were tall enough…
–Santa Monica, California
How the High-Five Originally Developed
Girl on cell: Sometimes I just wanna beat you. Like, with my hand… Not my fist. –Tampa, Florida Overheard by: SB
What, You've Never Done Dumbell Curls?
10-year-old girl: My virgin arms! My virgin arms! –Belmar, New Jersey Overheard by: Confused
Venus De Milo Accepted Her Predicament With Customary Good Humor
Chick #1: Why does that hurt your arms but nowhere else?
Chick #2: I dunno. It just does. I have weak arms.
Chick #1: I think you have leukemia…Don’t laugh! Leukemia is a horrible disease!
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Remind Me Why We're Friends
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade.
–Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida
We've Decided Not to Allow You in the Water
Lifeguard to wading mother: That girl is too small. She can't be out that far. She has to be within arm's length.
Mother: How far is arm's length?
–Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: hefferlump
If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Matilda