70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?
–Palm Coast, Florida
Mom to young child eating a Popsicle: Stop putting that in your mouth! It's done, there's nothing left.
Young woman nearby: That's what he said.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tara
Bikini girl to friend: Yeah, I'd suck a dick for an iPod touch.
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Teen girl to giggly friend: Well, it's not my favorite thing to have that kind of shit in my mouth.
–Lido Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Alyssa
Jock #1: Did you see him at the party last night? I mean, what the hell?
Jock #2: Dude, he’s such a fag.
Jock #1: I heard he swallows.
Jock #2: What’s his name again?
Jock #1: Eric.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Middle-aged man: Hi, girls. I was wondering if I could borrow one of your magazines. My wife is really bored and forgot her book. I’ll give you a drink in return.
Group of 20-ish girls: No problem. Here’s a People mag.
Middle-aged man: Thanks. See ya.
Middle-aged woman walks over laughing and whispers: Girls, my husband is so shy — I can’t believe he actually did that! And do you know what I have to do in return? [Girls stare.] I have to give him a blowjob tonight!
–Sullivan’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Meghan
Little girl: Look! I can fit an entire Gatorade cap in my mouth! (demonstrates)
Teenage boy to teenage girl: That girl's going places.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Boyfriend, offering a sip of shake: Here, have some.
Girlfriend: No, I’m okay.
Boyfriend: Have some, it’s protein!
Girlfriend: No! I’ll just suck your dick later.
Boyfriend: [Silence.]
–South Beach Florida
Fat sweaty drunk boyfriend to fat sweaty drunk girlfriend: Babe… I don't ever want you to have to suck my cock for money again.
–Jersey Shore
Overheard by: Five Minutes Later A Stranger Grabbed My Hair and Smelled It
Girlfriend: Some of my favorite times are lying on the beach with my head in your lap.
Boyfriend: Yeah, a lot of my favorite times involve your head in my crotch, too.
–The Point, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Greg P