Archive for the ‘Bimbettes’ Category

See, It’s Sa­cred, and that’s Why the Gays Don’t De­serve It

Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Hon­ey, do you want a drink?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, read­ing: Sure.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Do you want a sand­wich?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, ex­as­per­at­ed: Will you give me a mas­sage?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
At­trac­tive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a mas­sage, hot­tie.
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, look­ing up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, whis­per­ing to blonde: So… Can I meet you lat­er, then?

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: ea­ger ears

Knowl­edge Just In­ter­feres with the Won­der of It All

Chick #1: You can see Venezuela on a clear day from here.
Chick #2: Re­al­ly?! I would love to go to Venezuela — I hear it’s a re­al­ly nice is­land.
Chick #1: Um… Is­land as in South Amer­i­ca…?
Chick #2: It’s right off of South Amer­i­ca, right?
Chick #1: I guess you should have paid at­ten­tion in ge­og­ra­phy class.
Chick #2: What does math have to do with it?

–Aru­ba

Over­heard by: Erin from New York

That was a Pla­ton­ic Blow Job

JAP #1: So yeah, Aaron* and Rachel* hooked up last night.
JAP #2: Oh my god! What a fuck­ing slut!
JAP #1: Did­n’t you and Rachel give Aaron a blow job last week, at the same time?
JAP #2: Yeah, so… Your point?
JAP #1: Oh, nev­er­mind… Just want­ed to know what you thought was slut­ty and what was­n’t.

–Bo­ca Beach Club, Bo­ca Ra­ton, Flori­da

Over­heard by: glad i picked the bo­ca ho­tel to stay at..

But Don’t Tell Him About the Time We Fucked!

Chick #1: You were a com­plete whore last night.
Chick #2: Look who’s talk­ing! Do I have to men­tion the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Lis­ten to how you’re talk­ing about me and my broth­er. He’s gonna think I’m a com­plete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He did­n’t know who the fuck Derek was un­til you opened your fuckin’ mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you’re right…

–Pana­ma City Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: That guy over there

Which Was Good, be­cause I Did­n’t

Blonde: Wait, do Jew­ish peo­ple burn or tan?
Meat­head: Well, some are pasty and some are re­al­ly dark.
Blonde: Yeah, ’cause, like, she’s Jew­ish and she gets a tan. I came in­to work the oth­er day and my hair was curly, and every­one was like, ‘Whoa!’ But then I told them I’m half-Jew­ish, so they un­der­stood.

–Man­ches­ter by the Sea, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: i burn and i’m not