Archive for the ‘Bimbettes’ Category

And Every­one with Mun­chausen-by-Proxy

Brunette: Okay, now that I have your num­ber, I’ll just call you and then you’ll have mine.
Blonde: Oh! It’s ring­ing. Okay… I’m go­ing to re­ject you, and then I’m go­ing to save you… I’m just like Je­sus.

–San­ta Cruz, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Kel­ly

Tell Me Again Why There’s No 13 O’­Clock?

Blonde: Hey, what time is it?
Red­head: Re­al time or pre­tend time?
Blonde: You told me you changed your phone over al­ready, so just tell me what it says!
Red­head: 4:03.
Blonde: So it’s on­ly three o’­clock in my head still…
Red­head: I of­fered to tell you pre­tend time!
Blonde: But I want­ed to do the math my­self!

–Hunt­ing­ton Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Jenn

Who Did­n’t, Re­al­ly?

Brunette: I’ve al­ways want­ed a tat­too, but I don’t think I’m go­ing to get one. You can’t get buried in a Jew­ish ceme­tery if you have a tat­too.
Blonde: Why would you want to get mar­ried in a Jew­ish ceme­tery?
Brunette: Not mar­ried. Buried.
Blonde: Oh… So, are you Jew­ish?
Brunette: Yes.
Blonde: What is it with Jews al­ways want­i­ng to mar­ry oth­er Jews?
Brunette: I guess part of it is that the Jews have been per­se­cut­ed so much, so peo­ple want to make sure to per­pet­u­ate the race.
Blonde: Re­al­ly? Like who? Who per­se­cut­ed the Jews?
Brunette: Um… well… the Nazis.

–Sandy Hook, New Jer­sey

So They Both Just Lie There?

Girl #1: I was talk­ing to Jess* the oth­er day. She’s been home for a while.
Girl #2: Is­n’t she a les­bian now?
Girl #1: Yeah, she was with her girl­friend, Michelle, who was re­al­ly nice and re­al­ly hot.
Girl #2: So, Jess is like the boy, right?
Girl #1: No. They are both girls.

–St. Kil­da Beach, Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: one of those les­bians who dates boys

See, It’s Sa­cred, and that’s Why the Gays Don’t De­serve It

Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Hon­ey, do you want a drink?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, read­ing: Sure.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Do you want a sand­wich?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, ex­as­per­at­ed: Will you give me a mas­sage?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
At­trac­tive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a mas­sage, hot­tie.
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, look­ing up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, whis­per­ing to blonde: So… Can I meet you lat­er, then?

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: ea­ger ears