Archive for the ‘Bimbettes’ Category

… I Got Bet­ter

Beach bun­ny #1: I to­tal­ly slept with Bran­don last night.
Beach bun­ny #2: How was it?
Beach bun­ny #1: Awe­some. He was so fuck­ing huge he, like, broke my vagi­na.
Beach bun­ny #2: Damn. That’s say­ing a lot.
Beach bun­ny #1, hap­pi­ly: I know! I’m a to­tal whore!

–Del Mar Beach, San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Bran­don stole my girl­friend

If You Were to Fill a Hat with Ice Cream…

Blonde: If you could be any fla­vor of ice cream, what would you be?
Red­head: Um…
Blonde: Well, you are what you eat. You can be mon­key fudge!
Red­head: What?!
Blonde: Oh, wait, I mean Chunky Mon­key. I’m mak­ing fun of your hus­band!
Red­head: You know, I’m the one drink­ing here.
Blonde: If you were any hat, what would you be?
Red­head: No.

–Hunt­ing­ton Beach, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Jenn

She Does­n’t Count Those Preg­nan­cies, Ei­ther

Spin-doc­tor chick: Well, re­al­ly I’ve on­ly slept with three guys.
Re­al­is­tic chick: Ha! It’s been way more than that. Af­ter your last year in col­lege, you’d have to be up to six.
Spin-doc­tor chick: Yeah, but two of them were re­al­ly bad and one was too drunk to fin­ish, so those three don’t count.

–Nan­tuck­et, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: silent­ly smirk­ing

Maybe Be­cause the Fi­ancé Al­ready Had Her Fist in It

20-Some­thing chick #1: So Brad and I went up to the moun­tains with his friend Greg and Greg’s fi­ancé. Brad and Greg went out to un­pack the car, and she and I just start­ed go­ing at it.
30-Some­thing chick #2: You guys were mak­ing out?
30-Some­thing chick #1: It was way in­tense.
30-Some­thing chick #2: Wow.
30-Some­thing chick #1: Then Brad and Greg came back in the house, and Greg start­ed, like, to­tal­ly freak­ing out. I mean, he just was­n’t, like…feeling my open­ness!

–San Diego, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: gefilte­pez