Queer: … And when he finished on my ass he said, ‘Hold on,’ and took a step backward and did a back flip!
–St. Augustine Beach, Florida
Archive for the ‘Awww, Gay’ Category
And Not a Good-Looking One, Either
Aussie queer: I know that guy’s gay. That’s got to be his sister. A minute ago a guy came walking up to him that had the same look — tattoos, short hair… That’s usually a giveaway, right? Monkey’s face.
American queer: Monkey’s face? What’s that mean? Is that another Australian colloquialism?
Aussie queer: No, I was just saying the guy’s face looked like a monkey.
–Bronte Beach, Australia
You’d Think If Anybody Was Pro-Life It Would Be God
Queer: So, like, let me get this straight. God got this lady pregnant and made her have a baby and then killed it so you could get away with whatever shit you wanted as long as you felt sorry?
Christian guy: Wow… I’ve never heard it put that way…
Queer: Sorry, I meant he killed him, it was a boy.
–Santa Cruz, California
…Though I Guess the Cow Also Works.
Girl, handing beach towel to gay guy: Here. This one’s for you cuz it’s got fruit on it.
Gay guy: Oh, I’m sorry. Where’s the one with a bitch on it for you?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
Lest You Be Elected Den Mother Of an All-Gay Scout Troop
Mother: We’re all set for the picnic!
Random gay dude: Oh, really? Yum! What’d you get us?
Mother: Uh, roast pork sandwiches.
Random gay dude: Ooooh, sounds good! (wanders off)
Mother (whispers): You have to be careful what you say around here.
–East Hampton, New York
Overheard by: pop pop
The Apple Gets Adam and Steve in Trouble
Queer #1, holding apple core: Is this biodegradable?
Queer #2, driving: Yes!
Queer #1: Okay! (tosses it out the window)
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Now Imagine Lesley Gore Singing This
Guy #1: I can’t believe you did that! How could you? After all this time! I thought I knew you!
Guy #2, very loudly: It’s my butt and it’s gonna be fucked if I want it to!
–Enseada Beach, Brazil
Overheard by: Natasha
But You Got All Pissy When I Told Them You Had Crabs!
Gay boy 1: No! I will not tell people you have herpes when you don’t!
Gay boy 2: Fine, whatever! Only a real friend would, anyway!
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: Michael
He Only Put It in My Mouth, But My Ass Was Still Sore
Gay guy #1: Tom has such a huge dick! I swear I was walking bow-legged for three days! I think it might become a serious thing!
Gay guy #2: I know! He has such a huge dick!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Better Let Go Of My Hand, Then
(coming out of a store)
Gay guy #1: Which way are we going?
Gay guy #2: Straight.
Gay guy #1: (giggles)
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
