Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category

When He’s Being Nice to Me He Puts Out Cigarettes on My Arm

Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.

Guy comes back with a lemon ice.

–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Batwon

What Would It Cost to Rent It?

40-something guy: So, what do you do for a living?
Chick in bikini: Oh, I have a long list of things…
40-something guy: Stripper?
Chick in bikini, hardly offended: Do I look like I have the body of a stripper?
40-something guy: That’s why I asked.

–Palm Beach, Florida

From The Big Book of Clumsy Pick-Up Lines

Girl #1, approaching girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-esteem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ugly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love yourself!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opinion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cigarette?

–Topanga State Beach, Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks