Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Dan
Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category
Have You Been Smoking Some Green?
Annoying woman: That was green before green was really green.
–Santa Monica, California
Calm Down, Feminists, He's Just Tara's Plastic Surgeon
Guy to friend: If they’re not Tara Reid, I don’t want to see their tits.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
…With Genocide at a Close Second.
Sunbathing guy: You know what sucks? Thinking you're more tan than you actually are.
–Ocean City, Maryland
What Happened to Gray, Windowless Vans?
Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.
–Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon
Overheard by: Drewlicious
But Isn't Urine Sterile?
Girl: Can you tell me why you’re pissing on the sand?
Guy: We’re in Jersey.
Girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Jersey’s dirty. It’s your duty as an American to fuckin’ keep it that way, bitch.
–Merivale Avenue, Beach Haven, New Jersey
Overheard by: Snow White
No, Just My Mom
Dude: Hey, where do you girls go for fun? [They ignore him.] You’re just gonna ignore me? Not a ‘Fuck you’? Nothing? Bitch!
Chick: You kiss your dick with that mouth?
–Montego Bay, Jamaica
And I'm Totally Upset That Our Video Debuts on SmutLady.Com Tonight
Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!
–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia
Hey, You're Hot — I'm Just Saying You're Skanky
Dude stopping intense make-out: Um, you’re not gonna tell anyone about this…
Chick: What?!
Dude: Well, I mean, look at you…
Chick: I’m going to tell your mom about this.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mik
I Think I've Seen This Vin Diesel Family Comedy…
Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail