Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.
–Pensacola Beach, Florida
Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category
So Much for the 'Little Black Dress You Can Wear Anywhere'
Angry Texan guy being turned away at door: Pants? Pants? Who brings pants to Mexico?
–Formal restaurant, Cancun, Mexico
Overheard by: sheila
I Mean, I'm Not Some Kind of Pervert
Guy: Look, Jen — I’ll fuck you, I’ll spank you, I’ll tie you up, and I’ll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
He'll Find Out about It Online Eventually
Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
American-Flag Speedos Are Never Okay
Tall guy to sweaty friend: Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but you are wrong.
–Rosarito, Mexico
Overheard by: KJ
Even Dick Sucking?
Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!
–Coney Island, New York
That Makes Sense; I Never Jerk Off on Bad Hair Days
Man: Get rid of your mustache, and then worry about the Brazilian.
Woman: Get some hair on your head, and then go fuck yourself.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mike
She Needs to Go to a PFLAG Meeting
Mom hands little boy a hot dog.
Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.
Ad: "Are You Irish Sprung?"
Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.
–Santander, Spain
Overheard by: Murray
Come on, Mary, He Follows You Everywhere Just Like that Damn Lamb Did!
Dude to girlfriend buying him lunch: You know, you could be bangin’ if you’d just lose that fat ass!
–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois