Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category

From The Big Book of Clum­sy Pick-Up Lines

Girl #1, ap­proach­ing girl #2: Um, you should work on your self-es­teem more.
Girl #2: What? Who are you?
Girl #1: Take your shorts off. You’re gonna get an ug­ly tan line.
Girl #2: I’m okay with that, thank you.
Girl #1: What do you care if you are fat? Love your­self!
Girl #2: Fuck off! Who asked your opin­ion? Who are you?
Girl #1: Hey, can I bum a cig­a­rette?

–Topan­ga State Beach, Los An­ge­les, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Freaked Out By CA Chicks

Did That Guy Seem Juiced Up to You?

Skin­ny, half naked black guy wear­ing pur­ple booty shorts: “do you guys do drugs?“
Col­lege kids: “no…“
Black guy: “oh I do…I’m a drug ad­dict. Yeah, I just came from a rave, there are some crazy peo­ple out there! Why are y’all sit­ting here in the mid­dle of venice beach? It gets dan­ger­ous here at night!“
Col­lege kid (hold­ing an or­ange): “well, I’m strapped, so…“
Black guy: “is that an or­ange? Can I have it?” (takes or­ange and walks away).

–Venice Beach

Over­heard by: Kei­di

No, Our Mics Picked That Up Fine

Fat guy to wife who’s sun­bathing on her stom­ach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it loud­er, ass­hole.

–Rose­mary Beach, Flori­da

Over­heard by: She’s still hot­ter than you, pal