Floridian: So, what do you think of Ft. Meyers?
New Yorker: Oh, it's charming.
Floridian: Big word, city girl.
–Ft. Myers, Florida
Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category
When You Were Standing Watch, What Were You Watching?
Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.
–Pensacola Beach, Florida
So Much for the 'Little Black Dress You Can Wear Anywhere'
Angry Texan guy being turned away at door: Pants? Pants? Who brings pants to Mexico?
–Formal restaurant, Cancun, Mexico
Overheard by: sheila
I Mean, I'm Not Some Kind of Pervert
Guy: Look, Jen — I’ll fuck you, I’ll spank you, I’ll tie you up, and I’ll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.
–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia
He'll Find Out about It Online Eventually
Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
American-Flag Speedos Are Never Okay
Tall guy to sweaty friend: Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but you are wrong.
–Rosarito, Mexico
Overheard by: KJ
Even Dick Sucking?
Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!
–Coney Island, New York
That Makes Sense; I Never Jerk Off on Bad Hair Days
Man: Get rid of your mustache, and then worry about the Brazilian.
Woman: Get some hair on your head, and then go fuck yourself.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mike
She Needs to Go to a PFLAG Meeting
Mom hands little boy a hot dog.
Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.
Ad: "Are You Irish Sprung?"
Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.
–Santander, Spain
Overheard by: Murray