Pirates 2 Panned by Critics; Deemed Too 'Brainy,' 'Referential'

20-Something girl #1: Yeah, I fell asleep. It was a stupid movie! And that guy with the squid on his face, who was he, Medusa?
20-Something girl #2: You mean Davy Jones?
20-Something girl #1: Yeah. And I was like, what about The Monkees?
20-Something girl #2: There weren’t any monkeys.
20-Something girl #1: You’re too young to remember the Sixties. Davy Jones was in the Monkees.
20-Something girl #2: Um, Davy Jones the pirate came first. Haven’t you ever heard of Davy Jones’s locker?
20-Something girl #1: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

I Keep Waiting for Them to Slip up and Not Consider Something, Man, but They Never Do!

Stoner #1: Man I love NPR. That All Things Considered shit is so freaking good.
Stoner #2: I know, right? It’s like they don’t not consider anything.
Stoner #3: Ummm… Yeah, it’s exactly like that.

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: That little broad

Like Cock

Big Brooklyn dude #1: I really wanna see The Devil Wears Prada. I heard it’s the funniest movie ever.
Big Brooklyn dude #2: Yeah, man, but I really wanna read the book first.
Big Brooklyn dude #1: Yeah, yeah! It’s not just for chicks, man!
Big Brooklyn dude #2: It’s not just for chicks.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

I Blame All the Retirees Who Move Here

Driver, turning off radio and looking back: You know you live in a shitty neighborhood when you can't tell if the sirens are coming from outside or your gangster rap cd.

–Sulphur Springs, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Killsborough

This Pick-Up Line Works Better with His Own Sex

Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

No, Dumbass, the Animated TV Movie

Girlfriend: It’s so beautiful here in Cape Cod. Wasn’t David Copperfield set in Cape Cod?
Boyfriend: Wait? You mean like the magician?

–Ferry to Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: JFN

And Stay Out of Iowa

Black guy playing drums, smiling at toddler nearby: Hi, sweetie. What you thinkin’? [Passing white lady tourist takes picture, and black guy frowns.] I respect you, too! Do I take a picture of you at the insurance office in Iowa?!
White lady tourist: Well, I–
Black guy: –Step off, bitch! [Turns back to little girl] Don’t grow up to be like her, baby girl.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: This place sure has changed since the 80s

His Life Is Largely Virtual, But the Humiliation in Store Is Very Real

Nerd, to blind date: And the best part about this guy is that he’s half man, half rat, and he’s living in a WOOD ELF society!

–Steak ‘n Shake, Palm Beach, Florida

Raise Your Hand If You're Sick Of Eminem

Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!

–Tampa, Florida

It's Either that or the Charred English Schoolboy with Mango Salsa

Female snowbird: Conch fritters? What’s conch?
Male snowbird: Didn’t you read Lord of the Flies? You need the conch shell to talk.
Female snowbird: You want me to eat a ceremonial shell?

–Frenchy’s, Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: sarah d.

Overheard At The Beach

Archive for the ‘Arts’ Category

Pirates 2 Panned by Critics; Deemed Too 'Brainy,' 'Referential'

I Keep Waiting for Them to Slip up and Not Consider Something, Man, but They Never Do!

Like Cock

I Blame All the Retirees Who Move Here

This Pick-Up Line Works Better with His Own Sex

No, Dumbass, the Animated TV Movie

And Stay Out of Iowa

His Life Is Largely Virtual, But the Humiliation in Store Is Very Real

Raise Your Hand If You're Sick Of Eminem

It's Either that or the Charred English Schoolboy with Mango Salsa