Girl #1: Come on, get in the water.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girl #3: No way! There are sharks!
Girl #1: There aren’t any sharks.
Girl #3: Oh yeah? Then why are there so many bubbles?
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category
And Often Swim in Water or Other Liquid.
Loud woman, about sting rays: They have a six-foot wingspan of five to six feet.
–Sea Life Park, Honolulu, Hawaii
My Therapist Told Me I Need to Set Boundaries
Woman, noticing fly on her arm: No, you cannot land on me!
–Huntington Beach, California
What Would Your Social Life Be Without It?
Girl, noticing bird poop on leg: Oh, shit! Why do I always get pooped on?!
–Oval Beach, Michigan
Overheard by: Steph
Things Went Fine Until She Saw Some Menacing Seaweed
Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.
–Treasure Island, Florida
Overheard by: Native Floridian
They’re Like Susan Sarandon That Way
Girl: I used to have a Shih-Tzu. Cutest dog ever.
Boy: Yeah, my friend has one, and this Doberman mutt thing. It’s weird, ’cause they were playing with each other and its eyeball fell out.
Girl: What?!
Boy: Yeah. They took it to the vet and he was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that happens a lot.’
–Lake Conroe, Texas
…Have Some Fucking Family Fun!
Attractive dad in front of giant sting ray swim tank: There will always be times in your life where you will have fear, but when you do it anyway, it makes it easier the next time. Okay, buddy?
Skinny eight-year-old with snot dripping down his nose: (nods)
Attractive dad: Okay, let’s go.
–Discovery Cove, Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: I was scared
Once You Commit to Pretending You’re a Dog, All Other Concerns Become Pretty Trivial
Woman: Do you think Otto* will get a complex because everyone always says “good dog” to him?
Man: I don’t think he cares.
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: downtown
Or Swedish?
Drunk woman to woman coming out of water with snorkeling mask: Oh, I was thinking about getting one of those! Is it worth the money?
Woman in mask: Absolutely! There’s tons of sea urchins, coral, plants, fish…
Drunk woman: Tropical?
–Atlantis Resort Cove Beach, Bahamas
Overheard by: Maggie
The Partial-Birth Ones Are to Die for
Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions…
–Tampa, Florida
