Little girl: Mummy, mummy, look! It’s a shark!
Mum: No, sweetie, that’s Grandpa.
–Caloundra, Australia
Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category
In a Related Story, Keira Knightley Spotted Scouring the Beach for Buried Treasure
Guy: My god, what is that?
Chick: What?
Guy: This thing here. Medical waste is washing up on the shore.
Chick: What are you talking about?
Guy: Right there. It’s a breast implant.
Chick: It’s a jellyfish, you ninny.
Guy: … I wondered why there were so many.
–Jersey Shore, New Jersey
You're Thinking of Golf Courses
Lady #1: You can take that dog on board?
Lady #2: Sure, but he has to be small enough to fit under the seat in front of you. And you have to pay 75 dollars for each leg.
Lady #1: 75 dollars for each leg of the dog?!
–Tampa airport, Florida
Then It Won't Bother You So Much When I Lick My Anus
Preppy girl: Just close your eyes and envision me as a black lab puppy.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
What'd We Tell You About Crying That, Peter?
Man, hearing seagulls: Wolves!
–Upper Hutt, New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Oh, Honey, Don't Cry. They Only Eat the Dead Ones.
Little girl: Lifeguard! Lifeguard! What do crabs eat?
Lifeguard: Little girls.
–Riis Park, New York
Shark: Don't Flatter Yourselves, Boys
Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.
–Avon, New Jersey
I'm Not Sure I Wish to Pursue This Line of Inquiry Until Your Father Arrives
Little kid: Mommy, what are those squishy things that hang by big, round balls?
Mom: Are you talking about jellyfish and tentacles?
Little kid: Yeah, that’s it: testicles.
–Huntington Beach, Surf City, California
Fishing's Just Part Of the Circa Of Life
Teen girl, looking at historic photos of fishermen: So like, what's a “circa”?
Teen boy: That's a kind of fish. (pointing to photo) See, that's a circa. So's that…
–Pier, Naples, Florida
Overheard by: circa 1978
They're Like Susan Sarandon That Way
Girl: I used to have a Shih-Tzu. Cutest dog ever.
Boy: Yeah, my friend has one, and this Doberman mutt thing. It’s weird, ’cause they were playing with each other and its eyeball fell out.
Girl: What?!
Boy: Yeah. They took it to the vet and he was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that happens a lot.’
–Lake Conroe, Texas