Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it. –Ocean Beach, California
Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it! –Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries! –St. Peterburg Beach, Florida Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Little boy: Guess what?
Little boy: On the count of three, I’m going to turn into a dinosaur. –Rockaway Beach, New York Overheard by: Ever
Young mom pointing to giant plaster camel: Hey, look! A giraffe! –Panama City, Florida Overheard by: Feeling bad for the kid
Person #1: I don't want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why? We came all the way to the beach…
Person #1: It's cold in the water.
Person #2: You were the one that wanted to come.
Person #1: Yes, but I didn't want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why ever not?
Person #1: There are crabs in the water. I don't want people to think I'm promiscuous. –Plymouth Beach, Virginia
Teen to friend: That boy doesn't know his bivalves from his crustaceans. –Colonial Beach, Virginia Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans
Guy, looking at girlfriend's dog sniffing another dog: Dog breeding is awesome! –Newport Pier, Newport Beach, California
Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in. –Treasure Island, Florida Overheard by: Native Floridian
Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa. –Avon, New Jersey