Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.
–Antigua, the Caribbean
Overheard by: Ollie
Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category
Nevermind. How Do You Keep a Turkey in Suspense?
Boy: Hey, Dad, are monkeys fast?
Dad: I guess compared to humans, yes.
Boy: Are cheetahs fast?
Dad: Yes, they are the fastest.
Boy: Are lions fast?
Dad: Yes, very.
Boy: Are bamboozles fast?
Dad: What?
–Trunk Bay, St. John, US Virgin Islands
Overheard by: Sonia
She’ll Have a Flashback to This Moment, Years Later in the Back of a Car
Four-year-old girl (disappointed, looking at a jellyfish): I’ve never seen one of these before…but I thought it would be longer.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Was Surprised Too
A Cool Guy Would Play with His Daughter
Little girl: Daddy! Guess what I am supposed to be!
Dad: You are a crab.
Little girl: Right! Okay, Daddy, now it’s your turn.
Dad sits there, talking to his wife.
Little girl: Daddy! You are supposed to be something!
Dad: I am. I am being a cool guy.
–Horseshoe Bay Ferry Terminal, Vancouver, Canadia
I Find the Weight Of All That Gayness Oppressive
Woman, watching animal abuse commercial on Logo: I hate this commercial. This is why I don’t watch this channel. Well, this and all the gays.
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Enjoys the gays
This Was No Boating Accident!
Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?
–Echo Lake, Maine
Like Dragons?
Girl #1: Rhinos have two horns.
Girl #2: I thought they had one, like a unicorn.
Girl #3: Aren’t unicorns extinct?
–Kenai, Alaska
Plus, That Species Of Dragon Has a Much Shorter Wingspan
College girl to college guys carving dragon in the sand: Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Dragons do not have such muscular arms!
College guy: Ours does!
College girl: I am torn: do I continue arguing about tiny dragon arms as if dragons are real or move on to mocking you for giving your dragon the biceps you wish you had?
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Great White Ones!
Little black kid: Why can’t we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain’t no pool, nigga, it’s got sharks in it!
–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Know About It? It Cost a Fortune to Install!
Cop: Did they not know there was a Koala bear stuck in the grill of their car?
–Saint Petersburg, Florida
