Archive for the ‘Age and ageing’ Category

New Hamp­shire: The New Jer­sey of New Eng­land

Old­er woman: You don’t re­mem­ber me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Old­er woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Old­er woman: Salem, New Hamp­shire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Old­er woman: Oh, come on, don’t you re­mem­ber?
Young woman: I nev­er lived in New Hamp­shire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Old­er woman, sar­cas­ti­cal­ly: Yeah…Okay.

–Wells Beach, Maine

Over­heard by: Vee-li­cious

But I Re­sist­ed the Urge to Put My Nose on Him

Dirty old man to vis­i­bly ter­ri­fied 20-some­thing girl next to him: You know, as of to­day I am no longer on pro­ba­tion. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wear­ing pants cause I had to go to court to­day. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on pro­ba­tion any­more! (hangs up with­out say­ing good­bye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that build­ing’s the one my bud­dy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Pe­ter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Want­ed me to go to [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble] with her. Nev­er been there to this day. Been to South Amer­i­ca, Africa, all over! Nev­er done go to [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble]. Al­right, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer ter­ri­fied 20-some­thing girl to ran­dom girl: He smelled like co­caine!

–Ex­press Bus, Waiki­ki, Hawaii

Over­heard by: mel

No More Fam­i­ly Re­unions for You, Mis­sy

20-some­thing girl #1: So every­one thinks that Nate gave Ar­ic that hick­ey last night when they were jok­ing around in the kitchen, and Bran­don is kin­da mad now, he al­ready told Nate not to give oth­er boys hick­eys any­more.
20-some­thing girl #2: Oh, poor Bran­don, why does Nate do that?
20-some­thing girl #1: Oh, that so was­n’t what I was talk­ing about, Nate did­n’t even do it!
20-some­thing girl #2: What? How else would Ar­ic have got­ten it then? Af­ter the kitchen thing we all went to bed, did­n’t we?
20-some­thing girl #1: Yes…
20-some­thing girl #2: Wait, where did Ar­ic sleep last night?
20-some­thing girl #1: Um.
20-some­thing girl #2: It was you! You hick­eyed Ar­ic! What are you, twelve?

–Sauble Beach, On­tario, Cana­da