Little boy: Why is that woman walking faster than us?
Grandfather (frustrated): I have no explanation for this!
–Sauble Beach, Canadia
Overheard by: Totally walking faster than them
Archive for the ‘Age and ageing’ Category
Little Guilty Knowledge There, Bro?
Tween in one-piece: Amber’s parents let her wear a bikini.
Dad: But her parents love her.
Teen brother: No, they don’t. She’s just a 10-year-old slut.
–Lake Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canadia
Overheard by: Jenny
Here’s Some Chapstik
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Um, Officially I Was “Just Chubby” and My Daughter Is My Little Sister
Beach lady #1: Oh girls, last night I was watching 16 and Pregnant.
Beach lady #2: My daughter watches that. Well, I think it is stupid! That would suck for those girls.
Beach lady #1: How stupid are these kids these days? That’s why my daughter uses safe sex.
Beach lady #2: Wait, weren’t you pregnant at 16?
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emily
And Beginning to Regret the Decision to Have Children Late in Life
Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you’re running out of numbers.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
I’ll Just Do a Chick and Think About My Mom
Dude #1: I’d really like to do a girl and her mom at the same time.
Dude #2: I don’t think you’re gonna have any luck here. All these chicks look like they’re between 18 and 25.
Dude #1: So, what’s your point?
–Cancun, Mexico
Overheard by: Beach Frog
To Be Fair, What American Would?
Woman, putting lotion on man’s back: How long have your parents been married?
Man: A long time: 25 or 30 years…
Woman: So your parents got married after you were born?
Man: No.
Woman: But you’re 40! Okay, now you’re scaring me. I just spilled half the bottle of lotion on your back. That would be 3.5 ounces. I’d explain it to you but you wouldn’t understand.
–Fort De Soto Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ishkabibble
They Licensed Santa’s Technology
Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.
Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.
Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!
–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Yeah, Along With Some Weird Pink Money with Birds and Queens on it
Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?
–Sandestin, Florida
Overheard by: proudcanadian
We’ve Decided Not to Allow You in the Water
Lifeguard to wading mother: That girl is too small. She can’t be out that far. She has to be within arm’s length.
Mother: How far is arm’s length?
–Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: hefferlump
