Dude #1: I’d really like to do a girl and her mom at the same time.
Dude #2: I don’t think you’re gonna have any luck here. All these chicks look like they’re between 18 and 25.
Dude #1: So, what’s your point?
–Cancun, Mexico
Overheard by: Beach Frog
70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick ’em, but I can’t dick ’em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You’re very well-built for your age. (stares at girl’s breasts) You wanna play pool with me?
–Palm Coast, Florida
Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.
–Wells Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Vee-licious
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Stephanie Wall
Old lady, walking with husband: I don’t really understand the problem. I mean, I throw more parties than the college kids!
–Pennfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Meg
20-something guy: Hey, how old are you?
Young girl: I’m fifteen.
20-something guy, looking over to friend: Exactly my point.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: jenny
Six-year-old boy, fully dressed in Lacoste: I am almost your age.
Father, fully dressed in Lacoste: You are not almost my age.
–Atlantis Resort & Casino, Bahamas
Tween #1: Ohmigod. It’s soooo sandy.
Tween #2: Um, it’s a beach.
Random old man: Damn teeny boppers.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I hate shoobies.
30-something mom dragging toddler down path: What do you mean your legs hurt? You’re four years old! My legs don’t even hurt and I’m like three times your age!
–Bay Shore, Long Island, New York
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
