Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Shel­by Went Kayak­ing With the Prince of Dark­ness and Had a Com­par­a­tive­ly Love­ly Time

Moth­er, loud­ly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daugh­ter: What! What’s on me?!
Moth­er: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on va­ca­tion here. You should­n’t be stress-eat­ing!
Teen daugh­ter: Mom! Shut up! Peo­ple can hear you.
Moth­er: No, no one is lis­ten­ing, and be­sides, they can all see it, too.
Kayak­ing in­struc­tor: Does every­one have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are go­ing to pair up with some­one you don’t know.
Daugh­ter: Thank God!
Moth­er: What?

–Bayville, New Jer­sey

How Busi­ness Gets Done

Gent #1: I’m hav­ing trou­bles cast­ing for this part.
Gent #2: I know the per­fect girl, but she’s young. On­ly 17.
Gent #1: Hm­mm… That’s too young.
Gent #2: Yeah, but you could fuck her mom.

–Mal­ibu, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Wanker