Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!
–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia
Archive for the ‘About celebrities’ Category
Rivers Of Chocolate Are So Gangsta
Guy: Fuckin’ Wonka?
Girl, watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Yeah man, the orig.
–Dundas, Canadia
Their Brains Are in a League of Their Own
Movie critic #1: You know that movie, with Tom Hanks, where he plays the drunk baseball player? And the women are the players because the men are gone?
Movie critic #2: Where?
Movie critic #3: To war.
Movie critic #2: So the women played baseball? That wasn’t a movie.
Movie critic #1: You know, the movie has that star that’s on TV. Bette Davis’ daughter.
Movie critic #3: Who?
Debate goes on for several minutes.
Movie critic #1: Wait, it’s Geena Davis! She’s Betty Davis’ daughter! See the resemblence in the eyes?
Movie critic #3: Didn’t Betty Davis hate Geena because she was tall?
Movie critic #1: Well, she got the part anyway, didn’t she? Geesh, I wish I could remember the name of that movie!
–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts
Um, Birth?
Beach girl in group of people: Wait! Ellen DeGeneres is gay?! Since when?
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Colleen
It Was America’s Funniest Home Intercourse
College chick on cell: I’m like, ‘Why do I have to have dreams about us breaking up? Why can’t I have dreams like I used to… Like when I was fucking Bob Saget?’
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
As Seen in La Vida Simple.
20-something girl: I can’t believe I let my career go. I could have been the new Paris Hilton, but like Spanish. Caliente!
–Lincoln Woods State Park, Rhode Island
Guess She Can Act, Too
Friend #1: You know who’s really hot? Megan Fox.
Friend #2 (in nonchalant agreement): Yeah, she’s really hot. (more excitedly) You know who else is hot?
Friend #1: Who?
Friend #2: That brunette chick from the Transformers movie–damn.
Friend #1: Megan Fox?
Friend #2: Oh.
–Guarujá, São Paulo, Brazil
…Starring Will.i.am As John the Baptist
Band kid to another: It was both gay and funny, like Jesus and Fergie combined.
–Palm Coast, Florida
Overheard by: Dahbuke
No, You Should Have Ruled Him Out When I Said Yes to ‘Is It a Human Being?’
Teen #1: Is he white?
Teen #2: Yes.
Teen #1: …Wait, does that count Michael Jackson?
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Like I Don’t Have Enough Star Trivia to Memorize?
Teenage girl: Rosie O’Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
