Teen #1: Is he white?
Teen #2: Yes.
Teen #1: …Wait, does that count Michael Jackson?
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Teen #1: Is he white?
Teen #2: Yes.
Teen #1: …Wait, does that count Michael Jackson?
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Teenage girl: Rosie O’Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
Little boy’s brother: Why are you screaming?
Little boy: Because I’m Hillary Clinton!
–Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine
Overheard by: Sara
Teen bimbette: So I heard about this new band that just came out. The lead singer is really cute… they’re called The Doors.
–South California
Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!
–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia
Woman: Is that where George Bush lives?
Man: No, you can’t see it from here.
Woman: I bet you could see it with binoculars or something.
Man: Doubt it.
Woman: Why do you always shut me down when I have an opinion? I’m entitled to it! How do you know you couldn’t see George Bush’s house from here?
Man: There’s an island in the way.
–Kennebunk Beach, Maine
20-something girl: I can’t believe I let my career go. I could have been the new Paris Hilton, but like Spanish. Caliente!
–Lincoln Woods State Park, Rhode Island
Beach girl in group of people: Wait! Ellen DeGeneres is gay?! Since when?
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Colleen
Teenage girl: Rob Lowe is ridiculously hot. Hey, did you know he has a sex tape?
Girl’s mother: Yes, I did know that because I starred in it with him. And he was good.
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Band kid to another: It was both gay and funny, like Jesus and Fergie combined.
–Palm Coast, Florida
Overheard by: Dahbuke
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist