30-ish guy #1: I see you’re sport­ing the side pony­tail.
30-ish girl: Just for you!
30-ish guy #2: Yeah, I bet you’re gonna jack off to that side pony­tail.
30-ish guy #1: No! I jack off to the idea of the side pony­tail. They’re com­ing back, I tell ya!

–Sum­mer­fest, Mil­wau­kee, Wis­con­sin

Over­heard by: the on­ly sober per­son there