Fa­ther to daugh­ter, while moth­er brush­es hair: Does­n’t that hurt?
Daugh­ter: Nope, I have a strong scal­lop.
Fa­ther: What does that mean? Your head is not made of veg­eta­bles!
Moth­er: What? Veg­eta­bles? That’s “scal­lions,” you id­iot! And your head is not a scal­lop, it’s a scalp… you’re both id­iots! (laughs hys­ter­i­cal­ly)

–Robert Moses, Long Is­land, New York

Over­heard by: Sug­ar­doll