Daughter: Mom, why do you have to go to the bathroom already? We just went a few minutes ago!
Mother: I don’t know… I guess I’m like a dog, I have to leave my scent everywhere…
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Animals’ Category
He Was All, “Monkey See You, Monkey Do You”
Girl to friend: It was like crazy monkey sex… and then he just left.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: D
Still Think Sex Ed Belongs in the Home?
Dad to child about whale bone on display: They got that from Cape Cod’s biggest peregrine falcon monkey. It’s one of the teeth.
–Wellfleet Bay Audubon Center, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anatomist Wannabe
Shark: Ralph, Do You Have to Play the Jaws Theme Non-Stop?
Middle aged tourist yelling frantically to children in the water: Get out, get out! There’s sharks!
Teenager with skimboard: Actually, those are a school of stingrays. They’re quite harmle…
Middle age mother, cutting him off: Shaaarks! Get out now!
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Jonica Grompson
Homeschooling: The Dark Side.
Little city boy chasing seagull on the beach: Come here, you flying chicken!
Mom: That is not a chicken, that is a pigeon or something!
Little boy: I said come here, come here, you chicken head!
–Seaside, Oregon
She’s Already Fast-Forwarded the Kid Through Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and God
Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.
–Antigua, the Caribbean
Overheard by: Ollie
Nevermind. How Do You Keep a Turkey in Suspense?
Boy: Hey, Dad, are monkeys fast?
Dad: I guess compared to humans, yes.
Boy: Are cheetahs fast?
Dad: Yes, they are the fastest.
Boy: Are lions fast?
Dad: Yes, very.
Boy: Are bamboozles fast?
Dad: What?
–Trunk Bay, St. John, US Virgin Islands
Overheard by: Sonia
She’ll Have a Flashback to This Moment, Years Later in the Back of a Car
Four-year-old girl (disappointed, looking at a jellyfish): I’ve never seen one of these before…but I thought it would be longer.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Was Surprised Too
A Cool Guy Would Play with His Daughter
Little girl: Daddy! Guess what I am supposed to be!
Dad: You are a crab.
Little girl: Right! Okay, Daddy, now it’s your turn.
Dad sits there, talking to his wife.
Little girl: Daddy! You are supposed to be something!
Dad: I am. I am being a cool guy.
–Horseshoe Bay Ferry Terminal, Vancouver, Canadia
I Find the Weight Of All That Gayness Oppressive
Woman, watching animal abuse commercial on Logo: I hate this commercial. This is why I don’t watch this channel. Well, this and all the gays.
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Enjoys the gays
